he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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