you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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