I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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