Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
and you fell through a lawn chair
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
