my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
