I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
