Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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