You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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