Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Mom said you looked used
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
