Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
