girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize