I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
