Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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