it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
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I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
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What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize