winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
