You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
