i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
