I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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