she was so not down for the gang bang
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Shame - the story of my life.
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