My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
