Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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