u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I supernannyed him into submission
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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