Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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