He disabled his match.com account in front of me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
whose parrot is this?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
