I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
