I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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