I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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