Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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