one two three fourrrrnication!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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