Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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