I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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