..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
