Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
