I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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