I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
that's an acceptable place to lick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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