I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
