So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
