Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
