you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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