a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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