these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
did i walk over a car last night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
