SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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