I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
