youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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