Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
