We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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