I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
