piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
