He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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