dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
