I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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