this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
