But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
