My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
