drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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