i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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