Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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