shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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