you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
