Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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