Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
