he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
