You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
being pregnant is like rehab
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
