Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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