I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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