Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
