Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
