he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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