we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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