it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
