I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
