as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
