So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you never un-have a 4some
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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