using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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