i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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