A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
