I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
