we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
