since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
