I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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